Haikus in Honor of Comcast

By Shawn


Hello, I need help.

My internet doesn’t work.

Right. Yes, I can hold.


Hi. Good, how are you?

Yes, my internet is out.

It’s been out all day.


Reset the router?

Okay, I’ll give it a try.

No, that didn’t do it.


Reset it again?

Okay, but I just did that.

Guess what? Still broken.


Which light do you mean?

At the top of the router?

Still orange like before.


I reset it twice.

We know now that does not help.

Any other thoughts?


It’s orange. It’s still orange.

It’s going to stay orange unless

you try something else.


I won’t reset it.

Third time is not the charm here.

Check things on your end.


Okay, fine, I’ll hold.

… Hi there. My account is what?

Why can’t you find it?


Huh? Transfer me where?

No, I’m in Connecticut.

My phone number’s just–


I’m on a cellphone.

It’s a Maryland number,

but I’m living here.


No, I’m not lying.

Yes, I have the same address.

I’d know if I moved.


Well, that’s pretty odd,

’cause you’ve been mailing me bills.

Ah, great, you’ve found it.


Still orange. You know why?

Because nothing has happened

here that would change that.


What? No, of course not.

I don’t have a spare router.

Why would I have that?



Please have a new idea,

I am begging you.


Oh, for the love of–




Okay, look, can you–

Can you send someone out here?

Yes, I would like that.


My address? But I–

I thought we just sorted that–

What? But… Fine, I’ll hold.

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