By Shawn
At Burger King, an intense internal deliberation begins.
Shawn: Hmm… Should I just get a Whopper?
Shawn’s Id: That’s not gonna be enough, is it?
Shawn: What, you think I should get a Double Whopper?
Id: Please. Try to think big here.
Shawn: A Triple Whopper? You can’t be serious.
Id: I’m dead serious.
Shawn: But the Triple Whopper is a disgusting meat pile. It contains over 1100 calories and my entire daily fat intake.
Id: You only live once.
Shawn: And I was kinda hoping to keep doing it for a while.
Id: Look, whether or not that sandwich would hasten your death is besides the point.
Shawn: Objection.
Id: Overruled. The real question you should be asking yourself is, what would former WWF wrestler Macho Man Randy Savage do?
Shawn: Why is that the relevant metric?
Id: Proposition 1. Macho Man Randy Savage is completely awesome.
Shawn: Agreed.
Id: Proposition 2. Anything someone completely awesome does or would do is awesome by extension.
Shawn: Alright.
Id: Proposition 3. Less awesome things become more awesome when they act in awesome ways.
Shawn: Sure.
Id: Proposition 4. You are less awesome than Macho Man Randy Savage.
Shawn: Granted.
Id: Proposition 5. You would be more awesome if you did whatever Macho Man Randy Savage would do.
Shawn: I think I see where this is going.
Id: Conclusion. You ought to do whatever Macho Man Randy Savage would do in any situation whatsoever all the time always.
Shawn: I guess that is the relevant metric.
Id: And what would Randy Savage do if he were here?
Shawn: He’d scream manly nonsense, I imagine.
Id: And amidst his manly gibbering, what sandwich would he bellow for?
Shawn: The Triple Whopper.
Id: Which means you should order…?
Shawn: Sigh. Fine. A Triple Whopper it is.
Id: Attaboy!
Shawn: … Didn’t Macho Man Randy Savage die of a heart attack?
Id: Maybe. Shut up and eat your hamburger.
Into the Friar 