How My Id Persuades Me to Do Stupid Things

By Shawn

At Burger King, an intense internal deliberation begins.

Shawn: Hmm… Should I just get a Whopper?

Shawn’s Id: That’s not gonna be enough, is it?

Shawn: What, you think I should get a Double Whopper?

Id: Please. Try to think big here.

Shawn: A Triple Whopper? You can’t be serious.

Id: I’m dead serious.

Shawn: But the Triple Whopper is a disgusting meat pile. It contains over 1100 calories and my entire daily fat intake.

Id: You only live once.

Shawn: And I was kinda hoping to keep doing it for a while.

Id: Look, whether or not that sandwich would hasten your death is besides the point.

Shawn: Objection.

Id: Overruled. The real question you should be asking yourself is, what would former WWF wrestler Macho Man Randy Savage do?

Shawn: Why is that the relevant metric?

Id: Proposition 1. Macho Man Randy Savage is completely awesome.

Shawn: Agreed.

Id: Proposition 2. Anything someone completely awesome does or would do is awesome by extension.

Shawn: Alright.

Id: Proposition 3. Less awesome things become more awesome when they act in awesome ways.

Shawn: Sure.

Id: Proposition 4. You are less awesome than Macho Man Randy Savage.

Shawn: Granted.

Id: Proposition 5. You would be more awesome if you did whatever Macho Man Randy Savage would do.

Shawn: I think I see where this is going.

Id: Conclusion. You ought to do whatever Macho Man Randy Savage would do in any situation whatsoever all the time always.

Shawn: I guess that is the relevant metric.

Id: And what would Randy Savage do if he were here?

Shawn: He’d scream manly nonsense, I imagine.

Id: And amidst his manly gibbering, what  sandwich would he bellow for?

Shawn: The Triple Whopper.

Id: Which means you should order…?

Shawn: Sigh. Fine. A Triple Whopper it is.

Id: Attaboy!

Shawn: … Didn’t Macho Man Randy Savage die of a heart attack?

Id: Maybe. Shut up and eat your hamburger.

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